Judgement

Judgement, something that is probably seen everyday at every moment at some point. It’s unfortunate, you would hope that something like judgment would not exist, but it does. You would hope that people would accept things or people or situations as they are both a lot of the time they don’t. Judgement ultimately is there and always gonna be there but it’s important to remember when somebody judges, they are merely judging themselves.

So moving through this last year and half, going through it, I myself have seen a lot of judgement. I think unfortunately when people go through struggles or challenges that really affect them a lot of judgement is seen.

For myself, I would see things like people judging me by the way I felt and what I was going through. These were not just strangers or random people, these were good friends, people I knew for years. They would continue to pass judgement.

I mean I still see it, not just with myself, in everyday life. It’s interesting though, going through this experience, and shifting has made me see the amount of judgement that people pass on a daily basis.

It’s like wake up humanity. Wake the fuck up. Stop judging those surrounding, stop making assumptions, stop not connecting with somebody or trying to because of this predisposed notion when you know nothing about them and there experience.

Ultimate, just stop judging and start accepting and start living, being and connecting.

Don’t judge me and don’t judge others.

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This Feeling Like you are Being Bombarded

That’s at times a good majority of the time what it has felt like for myself in the past year and half or so. This feeling that I am being bombarded so often by noises, people, things, life, being bombarded and overwhelmed by everything in general. Almost as if everything and anything is to much, life is to much at times. Things and ways that are not me by nature, not at all.

I think a lot of people feel this way when are stricken, honestly with almost any illness, challenge, any situation because either there are to many unwanted guests in a persons body or their body is in a place of calm and healing and the outside world does not always adapt to that. It’s almost this feeling of chaos that they are losing control and they can’t catch up to everything.

So knowing that I am still dealing with this, though it’s not nearly as bad, how do I combat this. Well, I meditate, I take time to take care of myself, I do as much to detox, I pray, I do affirmations, I do my best to not let others get to me, I don’t overdo it and I trust the universe.

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Getting Over the Fear and Trusting

I think one of the hardest parts for myself has been just getting over the fear, the darkness of this experience. Especially seeing and knowing I am not 100%. It’s like I haven’t moved forward. I mean my therapist asked me today looking at where I was a year ago and I am definitely much further ahead but I think because at times I feel the same for feel stuck or feel I have so far to go, I think I think I am not really moving forward. Hence at times the fear comes in.

Some of this fear is not my own fear, it’s the fear of bacteria, toxins, etc coming into my body, some of the fear is the physical feelings, etc I feel at times and some of the fear is from the experience of this last year and everything I have been through and this feeling that am I really getting better and the longer I don’t feel “100%” or constantly awesome and symptom free all the time I think I wonder the toll it takes on my body and if I will fully heal and the longer wait.

I don’t necessarily see this as unrealistic or true because many individuals who were effected much longer then I have been and those with situations much worse have healed completely but I think I definitely go to this place and I think part of it is a fact of trusting and letting go.

I mean life isn’t perfect and I think I have forgotten about that from time to time. When you go through a day, so used to feeling like you are walking on eggshells and slowly creeping through it, I think you forget that everybody deals with stress, etc on a daily basis. It’s about how you react to it and how you accept it.

At the end of the day, it’s just important for me to keep trusting, keep knowing I will fully heal, I will move on from this, I will live a long happy healthy life and do everything I want to do with it. I won’t feel stuck forever, I won’t feel “lost in the fog”. I will one day really move on and let go and never look back.

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Your Body Knows Best

At the end of the day, no matter what, your body, your mind, your soul knows what’s best for you, it’s just most of the time we ignore it.

Our bodies know what we need and when we need it. Our bodies know how to heal themselves with we allow it and our bodies know when we are ready to do things, we just have to know how to use them as our guides.

This is all true for myself. Through this year and half, I have had to let my body be my guide as I moved through things unclear, unaware, in this fog, etc. Knowing that my body knows what it needs each day, even when I think it might not or when I feel trapped or lost, in reality it knows what it needs and it knows what it needs to do to get back to balance, get back to feeling awesome again.

Even as I move through this and go through the trials and tribulations of feeling whole again. I know my body knows when it’s ready to do things, ready to feel part of world, ready to fully move on and know when I am fully back to balance. I will know. I will definitely know. Your body, my body remembers and will remember and knows what it needs.

At the end of the day, our bodies know what’s best.

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Learning to Trust the Universe Again

I think when somebody goes through a tough time, especially when their life kind of just drastically changes one day, their trust and faith kind of gets shattered.

For myself, it’s twofold. There is an element to what I just said but also, more so, it’s the way I feel in the world, this constant unfamiliar thing that I felt for so long and my senses feeling off a lot of the time and therefore not trusting not only myself but other people.

This fear comes from a place of me not wanting to get worse and only get better and stems from the feeling of unawareness and chaos I felt for so long and part of the healing, part of the layers is me learning to true the universe again and myself because of how I felt pretty much all the time.

I mean I became so used to not trusting and have learned to trust again. Learn to trust as I still a lot of times go through this unawareness, this feeling I am dragging my body around, this feeling of not fully feeling balance.

It’s important to let go and trust the universe, even though it’s not always easy.

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Don’t let Others Tell You No

Never let anybody tell you you cannot do something no matter what it is. I see this happening way to often to myself and others and the interesting thing is it usually comes from friends or family, not random strangers. You would think that friends and family are the ones supporting you and wanting you to be successful and do anything you want to do.

If somebody tells you no, use that fire to fuel you. Use that no to help you achieve what you want to achieve. Never let anybody tell you no. Never let anybody tell you can’t do something because you can do anything.

If somebody tells you you can’t do something, their own insecurities are coming out.

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Keeping me in Check that I need to Keep Moving Forward

One of my first major shifts, I would say it took about 2 years for me to get by one major hurdle and then another 2 years to really get “the monkey off my back” and move forward and move on and kick all the unwanted bugs out.

During this time, I had no idea what was going on, I was really oblivious to it. All I knew, was it went kind of through this cycle everyday, it always seem to revolve around food and going to the bathroom and it always seemed to be there. I never “treated” it with anything, I just ate right and kind of kept going to doctors, specialists, etc searching for the answers and eventually just stopped because I think I reached a point with it, got over a hurdle with everything.

I kept myself kind of oblivious to the world for about 2 years and then slowly lived my life, moved out of my parents house, even though it was still there, but it was slowly fading away and then eventually slowly but surely it was gone and I was totally shifted, moved on, lived my life, moved to L.A. and was totally fine never really knowing what it ever was.

I remember also for a period of time the new friends or connections I would meet I would tell them the story and eventually I stopped and really just let go of it.

Then fast forward, about a little over a year and half ago, the same thing happened, the same sudden shift, and this time it was more intense and I was definitely more aware of it and this time I got answers and I think I thought those answers would solve everything right away, well that wasn’t the case.

So the journey began, the cycle began and every time I think I beat it and really moving forward I then felt I was back at day one and thinks would kind of come full circle and keep me check. With each cycle, things seemed to get a little bit better, a little bit easier, I moved a little bit more forward, but knowing it was still there, when the cycle seemed to end, always was disconcerting to me. And for so long, I was in such chaos, always searching for answers, searching for a place to escape, a way to escape and then finally I started slowly coming out of that place, that cycle.

And with that, another cycle ends and I know I am still not there yet, but I continue to be positive, knowing I am moving forward, I am moving through this and one day all the bugs will leave, the cycle will end and I will have finally moved on from this and moved forward and started new, started fresh.

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