Everyday as I have been moving through my healing, I feel I wipe the slate clean and clear out the toxins, both emotional and physical toxins of my life. This takes time, it’s not a quick process. I am finally close to a point where I am now rebuilding and really starting over in many ways. I mean my friends seem different, my experiences seem different, the world seems different, the way I interact in the world is different and I am truly starting over.
Everyday I move through stuff, emotional stuff, physical stuff, and it’s tough and difficult but it’s me moving through to clean house. Cleaning a dirty garage full junk takes time, and so does cleaning your body of toxins, both physical and emotional ones.
It’s not easy but in the end the light is there and I can see it and I do truly get the chance to start over and wipe the slate clean and rebuild my life once again, the way I want to. The way I see it.
Everybody’s idea of what happiness is, is different. Some people find happiness in certain things, while other’s don’t. Some people are happy to be married, while others never want to. Some people like to be out and about and social to be happy, while others find peace and solace being by themselves. Happiness is not a direct definition and is different between person to person.
Through this past year, my idea of happiness has changed and shifted. My idea of what the world is like and my perception of it, has changed and my appreciation for life has increased tenfold.
I think almost everybody no matter what, generally in their heart wants to be happy, but I think we struggle with finding what exactly makes us happy and what happiness is, but if we look deep enough in ourselves, we will find it. We will find that happiness. It might not happen right away and you might need to struggle for this to occur, but eventually it will happen.
Today is Thanksgiving. The day you give thanks and talk about what you are grateful and thankful for.
Here is my gratitude list:
I am grateful to continue to get better and grow stronger and happier and healthier each day.
I am grateful for my family.
I am grateful for my friends.
I am grateful for this experience.
I am grateful for all the people I have met in the past year.
I am grateful for my doctor.
I am grateful to be able to be taken care of by the universe.
I am grateful for greater things ahead.
I am grateful for you.
What are you grateful for?
For the past ten months or so I feel for the most part I have just been playing out the motions of life. Walking along dragging my body around. Just playing out the motions, not experiencing life, not feeling a part of it. Just really going through the motions as I allowed my body to heal and trusted the process and had faith, had faith that I would be back to myself, stronger, healthier and happier and fully healed.
Well that day is coming and I see it. The day were I don’t feel like I am just playing out the motions of life and I am experiencing every single minute of it. Where I am present, where I am making clear decisions and in the flow of life. Where I am connected more then ever. Where I am fully experiencing everything.
I think at some moment or another we all feel like we are going through the motions of life. I think we probably all feel this to some degree every day, whether it be us at work waiting for the work day to be over or us in a class we don’t want to be in or a bad date or going through an illness or a challenging time in our life, we just feel we are playing out the motions to move through and one day waiting for all of this to just pass.
Well life is short, savior every minute. Enjoy every minute and try to experience every minute. Learn to be present, learn to fully grasp everything, learn how to connect. Don’t just play out the motions of life, though I know it’s hard, it’s hard for me, even before this it was hard at times, but it’s important to try to experience everything, feel everything, be in everything and enjoy everything.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged challenges, experiences, faith, flow, life, love, lyme disease, passion, spirituality, trust, willingness
I know I haven’t blogged in awhile. Not that I have been necessarily feeling worse, and that’s the reason, but it seems every time I start it I get lost in the fog and don’t finish or get interrupted. I know no excuses. Well so I am getting better in many ways, by the day, am I at were I want to be yet, consistently, no. Do I still have many of the same symptoms still happening on a daily basis, yes, but with each day they are getting better and better, slow, but they are.
For nearly the past year I have felt like I have been in this disconnected dream and not feeling like myself, and feeling like a totally different person. As I now wake up from this dream, it’s definitely a strange feeling, a feeling I am not used to. Not used to making clear decisions, feeling part of the world. It’s a strange feeling. I am used to being in a fog state, an anxiety state, just kind of going through the motions of life, dragging my body around. So it’s a strange feeling to know what to do each day ,especially when you are trying to still feel totally balanced and in many ways you are still in a fog most of the time.
Each day though I feel I find a piece of myself, find a piece of who I am and get back in my body and become clear headed again and not feel I am on auto-pilot all the time.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged dating, dreams, education, faith, film, filmmaking, finding myself, health, life, love, lyme disease, nutrition, spirituality, wellness