Cultivating My Fire

I, by nature, am a very passionate, high energy, ambitious, firey person. I was able though to always to an extent control this fire for my benefit. Then I shifted and that fire all seemed to go internal and my control over the fire, seemed to disappear.

When you start not feeling well, etc, you still have the essence of who you are it’s just a lot of things get juggled or displaced to shift, and for myself, my fire just created chaos inside myself and anytime I would try to put on to the world, my passion, my fire, my life force, it would seem to create chaos.

So the last 2 years, a big part of the lesson or what I have been working on, is learning how to cultivate my fire again.

When a fire is controlled, it’s nice, it’s beautiful, it’s not erratic, it’s not harmful. When a fire is out of control, it’s untamable, it’s erratic, it’s all over the place, it’s damaging.

For myself, this is what happened, my fire didn’t go anywhere, it just never was let loose in a controlled way because of how I would feel everyday. It would just create chaos inside me, that was uncomfortable and unnerving. I mean my fire had to go some place.

So, in essence, it’s about me learning how to cultivate my fire again, learn how to control it for my benefit, for my balance, for my health. Learn how to harness my fire for healing and moving my life forward.

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The story of the Eagle

A friend of mine the other day sent me a story about Eagle’s because she thought what Eagle’s go through, is similar to what I have been going through and can relate to the transformation individuals take with Lyme Disease and other challenges in general. Here is the story and yes it’s real:

Eagles can live up to 70 years. But when they are about 40, there is a terrible crises in their life. They became more and more weak, they can’t hunt and fly as before. So they must decide what to do: they can starve, or fight to survive and being great again. It depends on eagles, it’s an eagles’ decision. Several of them, which don’t want to fight, just starve. Others, the ones braver, fight and accept this terrible challenge. It’s a very painful transformation. So, they retire on a rocky isolated wall, starting their transformation. They come off the beak beating it against the wall. Then they come off their claws, when their new beak has re-grow. And then, their beak and claws grow again, but much more stronger than before. And so eagles, into this painful transforming path, tear their plumage because too much heavy to fly, and then it grow again, but much more lighter than before. So they can fly and hunt again, and in this case, but only accepting this painful transformation, they can still live in the best way, up to 70 years about. Scientists who studying this kind of birds of prey, can perfectly recognize a younger eagle from a real queen eagle, after this terrible path they are queens of sky.

When my friend sent this to me, it really resonated with me and I related it to me tremendously. The last 2 years and still, has been extremely challenging, more then I could ever imagine, not just with Lyme Disease, but in every aspect of my life. The challenges that surround me, etc.

So this story gave me a bit of insight and light, knowing that eventually this challenge, this transformation will be done and I will grow stronger, and healthier and happier in the end.

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Protection Mode

Our bodies, our minds are trained to protect ourselves from enemies, invaders, etc. It’s an automatic training mechanism that sometimes we are not always aware of.

For the last two years, no matter how much I would fight it or wanted to do stuff, my body has mostly been in protection mode. It was in this protection mode to protect me, protect me from not feeling worse, not getting worse and knowing I really wasn’t ready to move on and go into the world and do all these things I wanted to do or want to do. It was my body and mind protecting me.

No matter how much I would fight and my fire and passion and desire to do everything I want to do and just move on, my body wasn’t ready, so it stayed in protection mode.

Ultimately, being in “protection mode” has been the best thing for me and even when I can come out of this, it’s not a quick process, it’s slow and steady to ease back into the world and break out of my shell.

My body, my mind would continually do things to protect itself because on the inside I always felt like I was being attacked, so it would translate to the outside.

The effects of everything would linger and this protection mode, is still here and would feel like it’s still here because all the bacteria and toxins are not gone. I still don’t do a lot or do things that might seem abnormal but I do them to protect myself, even if it’s not conscious.

Our bodies protect themselves, protect ourselves, because it’s really what’s best for us, no matter how much we might not like it, it’s usually what needs to be done.

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Manifesting The Future

The whole point of any life changing experience is to get rid of the old and start fresh and new, the life you want, the life you are able to create. It’s an opportunity for that, and creating the life you want, the life you are meant to live. The difficulty though in this, is really hold on, we hold on to the past, to our habits, to who we were, etc.

So, I speak a lot about everything I am going through, my transition, working on lessons, gaining clarity, etc, but what’s the future I want, the future I am creating for myself, what am I manifesting and this what it is:

I am manifesting the following:

Feeling 100% healthy and happy in every aspect all the time and feeling better then I ever have in my life.

Traveling to:

The Netherlands
Eastern Europe

Becoming successful as a filmmaker, an entrepreneur and making the films I want to make that are seen by millions worldwide.

Finishing my successful E-book

Having a flourishing Raw Chocolate Company

Finding continual balance in everything

Having a successful Health and Wellness Business that changes the way we look at health and helps educate others in taking their lives back

Owning houses in multiple countries

Taking a road trip across the U.S.

Living in the heart of Los Angeles again, flourishing and thriving

Owning my Tesla

I will probably add more to this list as time goes on but this is my future.

What are you manifesting?

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Just need to Keep on Going

When you have a goal in mind, a finish line, this is the ultimate key, to keep on going, not stopping, til you get to your goal, your finish line. It’s like a marathon or winning the world series and grinding it out after a long season and long playoff games. It’s like a business you have been building for years with all these challenges and obstacles or a film you wan to make, no matter what you run into, you need to keep going until you get to your goal.

I see my transition, my goal to get back to balance, the same way, just keep pushing, keep going, not stopping until I reach where I want to be and want to feel. It’s challenging, it’s very challenging and I still go through a lot of ebbs and flows with it and it still a lot of times feel constant, or I have that constant feeling of feeling off, but I just need to keep striving ahead and I need to continue to strive ahead, stay positive.

It’s not fun, especially how unsettling I still feel or when I have a day or a moment I think I have really moved forward and then feeling the same feeling again I have been feeling the last two years. It’s not easy, it’s a challenge, but I always hold on to this, hold to the fact that one day all of this will be behind me and I visualize the great life I will be living and the feeling of feeling better then I ever did.

I just need to keep going, keep moving through, no matter how I feel at times, because the goal is attainable and will be attained.

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My E-Book

I know I mentioned in a blog post recently that I was starting a book based on my experience over the last almost 2 years. It’s been flowing very easily and clearly as I have been writing it, so much so that it has become clear that this is what I definitely should be working on.

The most interesting thing, or intense thing about it, is feeling everything I went through and letting it come to the surface and heal. Though I remember everything I went through, I never really experienced it at the time and it’s very intense and unreal everything I went through, but it’s important my healing by writing the book and important other individuals healings.

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I was thinking about this idea of perspective, not just the perspective I have had the last almost 2 years but the perspective I had before this in my life and I wondered if my perspective, the energy I was putting out there, was really positive and healthy and did this experience just exasperate my negative energy, my challenges, etc.

And it made me think even more on my perspective, my outlook I have had my whole life, more specifically, as I grew older of course into my 20’s. I look at it, and though I was overall a pretty positive person, I definitely had some negative beliefs and fears around certain things and for myself. Including money, where I was at in my life, maybe avoiding certain things or conflicts, always trying to please people, make people happy, a tainted look on dating, though most individuals in Los Angeles have this, and just complaining or reacting, way more then I think I ever realized.

So when I started not feeling well, or transitioned, whatever you would like to call it, all of this seemed to come out 10 fold and my whole perspective on the outside world, because of course how I felt, became very reactionary and I would have a lot anger and be upset so often.

Was this a lot because of how I felt and the “bugs” that were or at times still are affecting me, sure, but it also made me have dig deep to work on switching my perspective. Because really at the end of the day the energy we present, it then presented back to us through the universe.

The reality also is that the way people react to you or situations are really beyond your control and have nothing to do with you, has to do with their situation and no matter how much you want to change somebody or explain it to them, they aren’t going to listen unless they want to, which is ultimately up to them.

So it’s about changing your perspective, changing my perspective. Which is not easy, and it’s even more of challenge when you don’t have the brain power or thought power to do this or you are in an unconscious reactionary mode. Well, then this means you have to really work on it more.

So how do we, how do I, change our perspective.

We begin to trust the universe

We look at the positive in everything

We take a step back and don’t react

We take time for ourselves

We find peace in everything

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