I think one of the hardest parts for myself has been just getting over the fear, the darkness of this experience. Especially seeing and knowing I am not 100%. It’s like I haven’t moved forward. I mean my therapist asked me today looking at where I was a year ago and I am definitely much further ahead but I think because at times I feel the same for feel stuck or feel I have so far to go, I think I think I am not really moving forward. Hence at times the fear comes in.
Some of this fear is not my own fear, it’s the fear of bacteria, toxins, etc coming into my body, some of the fear is the physical feelings, etc I feel at times and some of the fear is from the experience of this last year and everything I have been through and this feeling that am I really getting better and the longer I don’t feel “100%” or constantly awesome and symptom free all the time I think I wonder the toll it takes on my body and if I will fully heal and the longer wait.
I don’t necessarily see this as unrealistic or true because many individuals who were effected much longer then I have been and those with situations much worse have healed completely but I think I definitely go to this place and I think part of it is a fact of trusting and letting go.
I mean life isn’t perfect and I think I have forgotten about that from time to time. When you go through a day, so used to feeling like you are walking on eggshells and slowly creeping through it, I think you forget that everybody deals with stress, etc on a daily basis. It’s about how you react to it and how you accept it.
At the end of the day, it’s just important for me to keep trusting, keep knowing I will fully heal, I will move on from this, I will live a long happy healthy life and do everything I want to do with it. I won’t feel stuck forever, I won’t feel “lost in the fog”. I will one day really move on and let go and never look back.