Beyond Brain Fog

So what is brain fog? Brain fog is when your mind feels fuzzy, unclear, can’t think straight, foggy. Brain fog can be caused by so many things such as, heavy metal toxicity, candida, clogged emotions, bacteria in your body, mold, parasites, and other environmental toxins.

There are different levels of brain fog, most people will experience a bit of clogginess and brain fog here and there and then others will experience it almost on a daily basis. For myself, the fog for the most part of the last year and half has been extreme and what felt like 24 hours a day.

For myself, my brain fog, which I think can be called other things, disorientation, disconnection, has been what I call, beyond brain fog.

I mean I felt for so long and still a good majority of the time, like I am in this horrible dream, like I am on auto-pilot and the whole world seems unfamiliar to me. I mean when I was in Seattle, I felt like I had never lived there. Wondering around for four months in my uncomfortable, disoriented state.

This created so much fear, the way I felt, that it made me never want to do anything. It was this mix with other symptoms. I would say though that this is probably the worst of all of them in many ways, because it feels like it’s been constant.

One day this will slowly fade away, this fog and my mind, myself will be fully back and I will be symptom free and clear headed all the time but it’s still very scary feeling this way a lot, especially when I always strive to move my life forward.

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There is Something Bigger Watching Over Me

I haven’t blogged for a bit because I am working on a very long blog entry. I still am, but in the meanwhile, am going to post this entry.

Ever since the beginning of this process, I have always felt that something greater then myself is watching over me. I mean it has to be when you are dragging your body around you feel like 24 hours a day in this fog of unawareness, rarely ever to calm down and feeling like you are in a dream world with your vision effected and everything flying by you, hoping and praying that you are only getting better and not getting worse. You know then that there has to be something bigger watching over me, with everything and anything I do, with no matter how I feel. I have had to let go to something bigger, trust that and know that the things I am doing are only going to help me feel better.

Honestly, this has been challenging. It took me a long time to just go to the sauna because I felt so weird, speedy and jacked up, etc for so long. So long to do coffee enemas, because of how I felt, I just put myself in a bubble and in protection mode, trusting that I am not getting worse not going to do anything to get worse, trying to protect myself from getting worse, speeding around, all I knew something bigger was/is watching over me.

Everyday, so often I deal with this, dragging around going around feeling this way, trying to move through life, move back to balance, just hoping, praying when I do things I don’t get worse, knowing something is watching over me.

As I move and do things in a blur and have to always check in with myself later so often through this shift, I just wouldn’t go out so much or just would freeze still so I tried to protect myself from doing anything in case I would do something to make me feel worse because I was already dealing with so much.

At the end of the day through this, I move through, trusting the process, knowing something is watching over me, allowing me to do the things I need to do, knowing that it’s only helping me feel better, get back to balance and not get worse.

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My Treatment Plan

After my appointment today, and to after somebody else mentioned it in a comment and to help for clarity and myself and to help others, I am going to write my treatment plan below from the beginning until now and what I think helped, or could have helped if it was done in the right matter and what hasn’t helped. Please keep in mind, what works for one person, might not work for another.

Also keep in mind, I am not a doctor and before starting any treatment protocol, please consult a physician you trust.

So, when I first got sick, this is back in November 2012, I started taking vitamins again, such as a Bcomplex, Vitamin C, Vitamin D and a Multi-Vitamin. When I went to doctor number one, who had no idea what was going on, she gave me ABX because she thought it was related to my ears. This did nothing really either way.

Fast Forward to when I was diagnosed and I was put on 500 mg of Doxy and 600 mg of Rifampin, from what I remember. This was havoc and wasn’t done properly, nothing to detox, and just some Lyme Transfer Factor, which I felt did nothing and few calming supplements.

Four months later I got off those ABX, well 2 months later I was off Doxy and four months off Rifampin and then all I was taking was CSM or Chloystyramin.

About a month and half later, September 2013, I started Samento and Banderol, I did this for a few months and then added MMS, meanwhile was taking Chlorella and trying to do detox bathes, walk, meditate, etc.

Then at the end of February, 2014, I switched doctors and continued with MMS, Samento and Banderol and added Crypto-Plus and added a few things to help detox like Neuro-antitox, Molybdenum and Beta-Sisterol.

After about a month or so, I stopped the MMS and then started Houttuniyia, because I knew Bartonella was my main issue, I stopped the Crypto-Plus as well.

Fast forward to end of May and I added in BLT, to help kill the Bartonella.

So now, here is where I am at, and this is my current treatment plan:

Supplements, which help maintain my body:

Myco-Immune by Thorne – Amazing product

PQQ – Highly recommend everybody should take this

Methylguard-plus B Complex

Vitamin D

Meriva

Neuro-Mag

A liquid Multi-Vitamin, which I forget to take a lot

Probiotics, and Digestive Enzymes

Might add back in Vitamin C

Sometimes I take L-Carnitine

For the actual killing of the bacteria, toxins, etc.

Right now I am taking Houttuniyia and BLT, I am about to add, after my phone call with my doctor:

Sida acuta, a herbal parasite cleanse, I don’t remember the name of and Difulcan, which recent studies have shown not just helps with Candida but Lyme type bacteria as well.

This is to prepare my body as much as possible for ABX, which will come later because ultimately, trusting my doctor and my intuition at this point, I think I will need to do ABX to really get back to 100%

As for detoxing, I am doing the following:

Neuro-Anti-Tox II, Takeshimi Bamboo, Yucca Root, NAC, Molybdenum and Chlorella

Also try to go to the infrared sauna 3 to 4 times a week, very very important to sweat.

Also 3 to 4 coffee enemas a week.

Other things I do:

Also try to stay as positive and peaceful as possible, not get mad, not react.

Meditate and breath frequently.

As much as possible I work to move my life forward.

Also work on emotional work, and do things like EMDR and dig into my emotions and patterns and weed out the crap.

In the future, I will most likely be adding ABX, timetable and which ones still to be determined. As well as possibly some anti-parasitic drugs.

Also would like to be able to buy things like a rife machine and Ozone machine.

So that’s where I am at, I keep moving along, striving ahead to be symptom free and feel great all the time. Continuing to have patience and faith and trust knowing that one day soon all of this chaos will be behind me.

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Getting The Bugs Off My Back

This is something I have working on everyday, every moment for the past year and half plus. Getting these bugs off my back. It’s like every time I think I have fully moved past it, took a big turn, the bugs always seem to be there. It’s like every moment of every day, they seem to never go away.

Through time, more and more bugs have left, but they are still there. It’s like that annoying person who never seems to go away and every time you think you have escaped and they are gone, they still show up.

I have a Dr’s appointment tomorrow, probably the most important one in the last year and half because I am at a point where I am definitely in a much better place and this appointment is the appointment we talk about what needs to be done to get back to 100%, which might very well include ABX, a very scary thing for me but it might be the only way.

So, this is what I work towards everyday, getting the bugs off my back, out of my body and have me back in full control all the time, feeling great.

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We deserve, I deserve, to feel great all the time

I think there is this idea that we are meant to not feel great all the time. I also think there is this idea with people who are labeled with diseases or have any type of ailment. They become used to the fact that this is there life and think and identify with the fact that they are meant to not feel great at times and feel crummy some of the time. Well, I believe this is only true if you want it to be true. We can feel great all of the time, We deserve to feel great all of the time.

I think about this, when I have times I feel better, I don’t feel 100% necessarily but I feel much better and I think about that idea, yes I deserve to feel great all the time. Yes, I should be able to do all these things each day I want to do and not wear myself out. This isn’t my life and doing all these things will only help me grow stronger, not worse.

I think about how much this experienced affected me and these experiences affect others and how much we think that we are meant to feel bad at times, or live in a bubble or have to not do much, but the reality this, tho isn’t true, we deserve to feel great all the time and there is no reason why we shouldn’t.

So, I think there is this mindset or this thought, that you are meant to not feel great some of the time or moments through your life, which isn’t necessarily true. I am not saying you are not going to have bad days or things affect you but the reality is you can push through and feel great whenever you want, you have the power do that, I have the power to do that and most of all we deserve that.

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What Is Friendship…

When I one day started not feeling well and was scared and had extreme anxiety, I went to urgent care immediately and had to wait there for hours in my uncomfortable, uneasy state. I tried calling a handful of people to come meet met there and every one of them seemed to have an excuse on why they could not be there. There were others of course I could have called but I knew they couldn’t be bothered.

Over the next few weeks, before I moved back to Seattle, I just felt awful most of the time and I was trying to get ready to clear everything out and move. I asked some friends if I could stay at their places while I was going through this because it was cold were I was and I just didn’t feel great being there. All of them, except for one person, could not be bothered by it. On top of this, the woman who I stayed with and paid rent on time for years every month, didn’t treat very well at times as well and didn’t really show compassion.

I found all of this interesting. It was like nobody could be bothered and this ironic thing about this is all of these people, I don’t talk to anymore. I have totally cleared the space with. It took awhile, but one after another just faded away. The irony though of all this, is probably most of these people are so saddened by the passing of Robin Williams and probably post on Facebook, but the hypocrisy is they weren’t there to lend a helping hand who was going through a similar challenge in their life.

So what is friendship, well, through this past year and half, I have made a few close, good friends, who have been their for me and showed compassion and care. Who were there to talk to when I needed to speak with them, who were there if I needed something, who were just there as good friends.

A friend of mine says, think of somebody as nothing, not helpful, not expecting anything from them, until they prove to you otherwise. This might be a cynical way of looking at things, but he has a point.

Friendship isn’t talk, it’s action. Friendship isn’t just going to awards ceremonies or birthday parities, it’s being their when somebody is at their lowest in times of struggle. Friendship isn’t about buying material possessions, it’s about lending a helping hand. Friendship isn’t about being their friend for your gain, but about creating a balanced dynamic to help each other grow.

Friendship is about loyalty, it’s about integrity, it’s about understanding, it’s about compassion, it’s about being their for each other.

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The Irony of Disease

Robin Williams passed away today after a long bout with depression. The apparent cause of death is suicide. It’s extremely sad and the sadness in many ways is bigger then we can even imagine. How is it bigger? Well, the sadness lies in the fact that this easily could have been prevented. As well as many other tragic deaths and struggles.

Robin Williams, a celebrity, somebody who was well known by many, needed help and though yes he might have been undergoing treatment, he obviously needed more help then he received and this help could have been in the sign of friends and family around him.

When people struggle with illness, a majority of the time, they don’t speak up, either because they are not listened to it, or do not have the clarity or capacity too. This when people need to step up and realize and check in and know something is going on and take some initiative.

With Robin Williams, all these people are saddened by the loss, by his tragic death, but the irony and interesting thing is, if all of these people would have sent him fan letters or emails or something to that effect, especially those dear to him, would this tragedy have happened?

Would this tragedy or other tragedies happened, if those stricken with depression or other mental illness or other disease got help from their friends and family, uplifting, encouragement, real friendship, real help, would all of these other tragedies have been prevented. Very possibly they could have been.

I know going through what I have gone through this last year and half, I was always looking for friendship or help and it seemed through the struggle, more friends and more people shunned away and left and disappeared, but yet these same people are saddened by somebody passing away or don’t want to see these losses or tragedies. I think it’s ironic.

I say take action, step up, do something, help people, be there for your friends, be there for those that struggle, show compassion, show love and maybe just maybe you might prevent more of these tragedies from happening. Maybe, just maybe you might really help somebody overcome a disease, maybe just maybe you will be a real friend.

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