We are not always in touch with ourselves, with reality, we are not always connected. We try to be but sometimes we push things away because we don’t want to deal with them for various reasons.
Here is the reality for me. I was living in Los Angeles for over 5 years. I had moved there from Seattle. I went through some “health” stuff about ten years ago that at the time was just diagnosed as anxiety and depression but in “reality” it was much deeper then that. It changed my path, it changed my course and I believe for the better.
Last November I got sick, and it was very similar to when I got “sick” ten years ago. My vision changed and I was physically really sick. I eventually got better but my vision was not back to normal. I went about the next few months feeling like I was out of my body, feeling like I was in a dream but I still felt like myself.
Then this past January, 27th, I woke up and went to Sunday morning yoga like I normally do on Sunday mornings. I then met somebody for tea and I remember being out of breath the whole time, mind you I didn’t eat that much that morning. Later that afternoon I was with my friend doing work and I felt off, I felt foggy, disconnected, I was supposed to go to work that night and went there and ended up not needing to be there, which in a way ended up being a blessing in disguise. My friend came over that night and I remember being in my kitchen and getting these sensations that I remember getting ten years ago down my body, it freaked me out and caused a panic attack. The next day I went to work and I couldn’t calm my body down and this “cycling” as I call it, continued. I got extreme anxiety and I literally one day felt like a different person. Everything around me seemed unknown, unfamiliar, liked I was living in a dream. Like I knew who everybody was and how to live my life but it was unfamiliar to me, distant.
Since then, I have not totally felt like myself and have had ups and downs and gone to a number of doctors. I eventually was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. Now mind you, I don’t know if the “cycling” or the change of who I am and how I felt really has to do with the Lyme Disease but I am being treated for that.
My reality changed out of the blue one day, where I was in Los Angeles one minute living the life of a struggling filmmaker and then the next day moved to Seattle to rest, heal and start new, start fresh, because in reality that’s what I needed.
I’ll be back in L.A. by August/September of this year with a whole new perspective, a fresh start and achieving the goals I want to achieve. Living the life I deserve and the transforming into the beautiful person I really am.