When physical and emotional triggers come up for me, I want to escape, I want a quick answer. I want the “hell”, the pain, the discomfort, the uneasiness to be over. I jump to conclusions, I get scared and go to people for answers but in reality they can only guide, this is really my journey.
I had a rough night last night and all my fears start coming up when I get the same sensations I have been getting before I go to sleep. These fears that I am going to die, that I am going to feel like I am in this dream forever. I start freaking out and scare myself and then try to contact people for answers, for relief. In reality, none of these fears are really true but I try to search for these answers.
I am used to things being in my control. I am used to being fully in my body, very aware, strong and able to conquer the world, so this vulnerability, this uncomfortability, this new experience has been challenging and unfamiliar to me. The idea of just passing through life and not experiencing everything gives me anxiety, makes me uneasy.
As I search for answers, I need to just continue going deeper inside and look inside, because this is my journey and the deeper I go the more I heal and more balanced I will become.