When you don’t have a direction, a meaning or structure in your life, you get lost and you don’t have a place to go. When this happens, you become hopeless and turn in circles. You can’t achieve goals and you get lost in the process.
I thrive on structure but I got lost in it. At the beginning when I got “sick” I was not really working on any film project, meaning I had projects in development but wasn’t in some type of production with a film. I was not living in a place I was happy with and I was struggling financially. I was a bit lost and all over the place in many ways. Also when I was first was sick and started feeling what I call “out of my body” and feeling like I am in a dream and my vision changed, I met a girl who was very disconnected and all over the place and literally disappeared on me one day. They say the people we meet are reflections of ourselves.
Things did start then coming into alignment a bit later but it wasn’t the alignment I wanted or was meant to have. I was working in a bar part-time under-earning and wasn’t fully taken care of myself the way I should and again didn’t have the structure and direction I wanted, I was a bit all over the place.
I call this experience rebuilding my structure, rebuilding my direction, my path of what I want. I have had bad days and good days and everyday is hard and a struggle and I have tiny moments that I feel good, which seem to go away with the blink of an eye, but the more I work through this and go deeper, the more things will balance and the more structure I have the more I will come into alignment.