Moodwise yesterday was not a bad day. I still had some physical symptoms come up and even went to the doctor because my body felt like it was on fire all of sudden, sensations similar to what I got when this first triggered everything but I became more aware and understood more of what’s going on.
I get these nerve sensations downs my body, which at first I didn’t always know what they were and it made me feel like I was going out of my body and therefore creating anxiety triggers every time this happen. On top of this I have had a lot of brain fog and my sense of awareness is not what it normally is and have had this extreme disconnect, especially every time I eat. So all of this has caused anxiety. Me not being aware of things, have made my mind go to places thinking something is going to happen.
When I look back on the past, I remember having things happen to my body, that at the time where not anything to be alarmed about, all specifically usually having to do with circulation, tiny bit of nerve stuff and my digestion. When this would happen I think I would distract myself and therefore people would think I was disconnected or had ADD. This was my body’s way of protecting itself. It has now just gone to the extreme.
I have been using anxiety to ground myself and make sure I am aware and here.
This experience, this new experience is teaching me how to connect to myself and found out more about who I am and shed the layers. It’s not just about having Lyme, it’s about finding my true self. How to learn how to fully be present and connect, how to not take life for granted and how to trust and let go. Also how to learn to focus more. I am used to being somebody who can jump around from one thing to another but now I get lost in something and forget about my surroundings, which is a very different experience.
I am getting clearer, I am understanding and with the help of my doctors and my friends and family I am turning a new leaf.