The dream

As I have been going through this process, this healing the past five plus months I have felt like I have been in a dream, I have felt like a different person, that I am not here, pretty much 98% of the time.  I have had a few brief moments where I felt like myself and then I ate or drank something and it changed.  One day what happen from a metaphysical, emotional and spiritual level is I became disconnected. 

People do change and evolve but my change happened so instantly that I think I went to shock, had extreme anxiety and allowed my mind to race all over the place.  I know a lot of the time I create anxiety when I start thinking about who I am and my identity and who I was in Los Angeles, because I feel so “different” or not like myself, for awhile I kept thinking about the day when it all changes back and I feel like “me” again.

In reality, I know I needed to change, I know I needed to evolve but because how instant it was I think I keep trying to find myself, search for myself, and find who I was and who I am and I know a lot of emotion comes up from this.  I think of my life in Los Angeles.  I think of being confident and in the flow and aware and rational and quick thinking and I know a lot this, this gives me anxiety or makes me emotional. 

I lost my identity, my self and this is a time that I know I need to dig deep and rebuild myself, rebuild my identity and be stronger and become connected, fully connected again and wake-up from the dream.

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