Through this past year, a big constant for me that has affected me is this unwarranted fear, this extreme anxiety, both oh a physical, physiological level and a deep emotional level. Fear, that so much affected me, that it affected my every moment of my life, I mean pretty much every second. As mentioned, this was this physical feeling, because my body always felt like it was on speed and I couldn’t think straight, this constant feeling, but again anything physical is also emotional.
I mean I have lived feeling all this fear almost all the time, afraid of doing so many things because I felt so unaware and out of my body. Questioning every decision I made, everything I did, not knowing what could happen or how I would feel when I did that. I mean every aspect of my life was uncomfortable and I always felt my body beating and shaking and floating, mixed with other uncomfortable symptoms.
I would go to bed almost every night in this extreme feeling of fear, and being uncomfortable. Fear that haunted my sleep and never allowed me to just go to bed in peace and wake up in peace.
It is only recently have I really conquered this fear, and though “fear” in many ways is never conquered, I have now finally moved on from it. I have now moved closer to my healing, gotten to a point where my world is becoming bigger again, where I actually feel more at peace and can kind of be and feel part of the world again. Now does this mean I am at 100%, no, I am not there yet, but I had to get to this point to then move further to my healing and further heal. The point where I am not running around in panic and discomfort like a chicken with my head cut off. Learning how to be and feel love and having in faith in myself, knowing I am healing and moving through this.