I think we continue to search for answers, especially with something tricky like Lyme Disease, because it feels so constant to us and then when we think we are healing, our bodies and our minds become so used to it, that that feeling becomes unfamiliar.
Also because for so many, it happens so suddenly, never guided for answers, never set on a straight path and never able to think straight. People don’t understand it and when it feels so constant, you feel it will never end.
That’s on and off how I have felt over the past year. For so long, I felt uncomfortable, cycling, not clear headed and just moving through the motions. Not understanding if you are just being yourself at times or just caught up in the motions of what you are going through.
For me, I want to move forward, I am ready to move on and though yes I have come so far, it still feels like I have days it feels the same and it still in many ways feels constant. Part of that is partially because I am more aware of everything. I then begin to question and wonder have things changed or am I just more aware and let go of so much but still going through the same things everyday.
When something feels so constant, of course we are going to search for answers, of course we are going to want to move through and of course we are going to get anxious, get frustrated and go through so many emotions.
It’s like we keep trying to break that cycle and move out of this but through the fog and through how things get sucked out of us, it’s like we don’t know how.