Here we are, beginning of March/2014 and though, yes I have moved forward and am further then I was a year ago, I mean I can see it from my blog entries, at the same time, I feel in so many ways I am spinning in circles and feel like I am in the same place. A lot of this feeling comes from the feeling that I feel like I am going through the same things everyday still and just playing through the motions of life.
I think it’s tough because there isn’t a lot of time during the day for many people to do everything they want, let it alone when you are dealing with challenges. So for myself, though I trust the process, have come very far and have a tremendous amount of faith, feel in many ways I am spinning in circles. I think this feeling comes because I feel intuitively so much has not been addressed and things feel so constant.
It’s not that I am necessarily being hard on myself or being a perfectionist, it’s more the idea that something inside of me sees these things happening everyday, though, not as intensely and things/symptoms, etc have improved, and feel there is more that can be done.
It’s like it feels so much, that I see my life passing by, but in reality, I have to remember that’s not the case, things first of all, spiral forward and on top of that, everything happens at the right time, as well as having faith and knowing not everything is in my control, things eventually balance out.
It’s definitely something that I struggled with at the beginning of all this and still do in many ways, though I have come so far, it’s this letting go.
I guess the best way I would explain it is, when you see something not working and know it’s not but can’t do anything about it at that time.
At the end of the day, it’s trust, faith, being, not being hard on myself, love, letting go, letting go of the idea of control, listening to my body and knowing that everything comes in due time.