Fuck, sometimes that’s all I want to say at times, being honest. I feel at times I have come so far yet I feel in reality I am so far away when I see the same things happening that were happening a year ago, minus the toxicity of the ABX, the chaos ensued from not knowing, etc.
Sure I have grown, Sure I have come so far, sure I am coming back into myself and a different person then I have been through this experience and reforming myself and coming into my own again, but it’s a very hard year and half and very traumatic, very intense, and very hard, very hard year and half. I have done my best to create healing, create understanding through my blog and also try to explain to others and help them understand what I have gone through, what I have been going through, understand so they can understand their own journeys and help them grow and also trying to gain clarity in myself.
It’s like, as I have mentioned in other posts, frozen in time. And it’s been hard for me to articulate so often the words of what I have been going through. I still fight through this fog a lot of the time, though it’s gotten much much better.
So I try, I try everyday, to clear the energy, to move on, move through this and let go and start over. Let go of everything I have been through this past year and half, the ups and downs, the hell and back, the chaos, the constant unsettling feeling, the feeling of wanting to escape. Let go of it all, clear it all and move on.