Mind Fuck

So much of this past year and half, this transition had been such a constant Mind Fuck in many ways.  I mean so much so that’s it hard to explain at times and not straight forward.  Not constant Pain or consent fatigue, just this feeling of always feeling off and in this horrible dream, just part of this world.  It’s a very disconcerting feeling.  It’s not nearly as bad or as intolerable as it was, but it’s not fully away and gone either.  It’s very much been a mind fuck in many ways and as I have mentioned, I do my best explaining it to individuals, through my blog, etc, but to fully understand it, you would have to really experience it.  It’s like my whole life experience has been tainted, shifted, transformed, to transform.  

I have had to really trust the universe, trust the process because every moment of every day I felt like I was dragging my body around.  Felt like I was all on faith in this pseudo alternate universe knowing everything would click again one day, come together one day again.  One day I would feel part of the world again, clear headed, grounded with no symptoms and feel connected, present and here.  I have definitely really had to learn to ride the wave of the universe and just trust as I seem to be constantly dragging my body around.

Faith and learning to control the mind and find the balance what it’s all been about, this experience has been about.

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