Keeping me in Check that I need to Keep Moving Forward

One of my first major shifts, I would say it took about 2 years for me to get by one major hurdle and then another 2 years to really get “the monkey off my back” and move forward and move on and kick all the unwanted bugs out.

During this time, I had no idea what was going on, I was really oblivious to it. All I knew, was it went kind of through this cycle everyday, it always seem to revolve around food and going to the bathroom and it always seemed to be there. I never “treated” it with anything, I just ate right and kind of kept going to doctors, specialists, etc searching for the answers and eventually just stopped because I think I reached a point with it, got over a hurdle with everything.

I kept myself kind of oblivious to the world for about 2 years and then slowly lived my life, moved out of my parents house, even though it was still there, but it was slowly fading away and then eventually slowly but surely it was gone and I was totally shifted, moved on, lived my life, moved to L.A. and was totally fine never really knowing what it ever was.

I remember also for a period of time the new friends or connections I would meet I would tell them the story and eventually I stopped and really just let go of it.

Then fast forward, about a little over a year and half ago, the same thing happened, the same sudden shift, and this time it was more intense and I was definitely more aware of it and this time I got answers and I think I thought those answers would solve everything right away, well that wasn’t the case.

So the journey began, the cycle began and every time I think I beat it and really moving forward I then felt I was back at day one and thinks would kind of come full circle and keep me check. With each cycle, things seemed to get a little bit better, a little bit easier, I moved a little bit more forward, but knowing it was still there, when the cycle seemed to end, always was disconcerting to me. And for so long, I was in such chaos, always searching for answers, searching for a place to escape, a way to escape and then finally I started slowly coming out of that place, that cycle.

And with that, another cycle ends and I know I am still not there yet, but I continue to be positive, knowing I am moving forward, I am moving through this and one day all the bugs will leave, the cycle will end and I will have finally moved on from this and moved forward and started new, started fresh.

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