I haven’t blogged for a bit because I am working on a very long blog entry. I still am, but in the meanwhile, am going to post this entry.
Ever since the beginning of this process, I have always felt that something greater then myself is watching over me. I mean it has to be when you are dragging your body around you feel like 24 hours a day in this fog of unawareness, rarely ever to calm down and feeling like you are in a dream world with your vision effected and everything flying by you, hoping and praying that you are only getting better and not getting worse. You know then that there has to be something bigger watching over me, with everything and anything I do, with no matter how I feel. I have had to let go to something bigger, trust that and know that the things I am doing are only going to help me feel better.
Honestly, this has been challenging. It took me a long time to just go to the sauna because I felt so weird, speedy and jacked up, etc for so long. So long to do coffee enemas, because of how I felt, I just put myself in a bubble and in protection mode, trusting that I am not getting worse not going to do anything to get worse, trying to protect myself from getting worse, speeding around, all I knew something bigger was/is watching over me.
Everyday, so often I deal with this, dragging around going around feeling this way, trying to move through life, move back to balance, just hoping, praying when I do things I don’t get worse, knowing something is watching over me.
As I move and do things in a blur and have to always check in with myself later so often through this shift, I just wouldn’t go out so much or just would freeze still so I tried to protect myself from doing anything in case I would do something to make me feel worse because I was already dealing with so much.
At the end of the day through this, I move through, trusting the process, knowing something is watching over me, allowing me to do the things I need to do, knowing that it’s only helping me feel better, get back to balance and not get worse.