Even though of course there are many elements to my evolvement and what I experience, in a sense, it comes down to two parts.
One part is me feeling kind of in a sense like I did before things changed one day but right after I got sick, the in between period. Where I was able to live my life, move around, not have chaos moving around all the time or on eggshells and in a sense feeling like myself. I still would feel disconnected some what to the world, I would still have the circulatory, burning, vision, inflammation, etc symptoms but it was a bit of light and this would happen over the past two years from time to time, including yesterday. Where the day was not to bad and I was able to mostly enjoy it. Like in a sense I adapt to it and am used to it and not in a place of chaotic fear. This doesn’t mean I am 100%, it just means I am in a sense able to do what I need to do that day somewhat comfortably.
Then there is part two, were I am not comfortable with the day, where the day kind of speeds by and it’s chaotic, the feeling I have felt most of the time. The feeling were I feel totally disconnected and can’t do anything almost that day to move my life forward or be productive, were I am so effected by everything.
So, in a sense it’s about blending the two parts and forming my new self. It’s about being able to do everything you need to do during the day and enjoying and being symptom free.