I did not feel very well last night. I think it was from eating something bad. But when something like this happens, other symptoms seem to get exasperated and a lot of bad memories and feelings come up.
This whole process has been and ebb and flow. Sometimes I am more aware of things, sometimes not and then sometimes I am totally aware and everything kind of settles and this is when I really work on pushing through the layers.
This awareness helps me heal and push through more layers but also makes me feel in many ways more vulnerable and in many ways it can be much more scary.
The other thing though that comes, is more clarity and awareness of old habits I am breaking and how things are shifting.
Old habits that were there at the beginning when I did not know what was going on and searching every single place for answers. Things like letting go of control. Being with things and being present. Not always looking for the goal. Finding balance. Not overdoing it. Not being hard on myself. Not living a minimalist lifestyle.
So I keep pushing through layers and trusting and knowing one day all of this chaos will be behind me.