Since mid-June, when things got really intense and it seemed I broke the cycle that I would normally go through and became ultra aware of every moment, I have really begun to break free from my comfort zone.
Before that, in many ways, though I of course did stuff and was living, life felt like it didn’t exist and was a blur. I couldn’t get out of the chaos of my world and the cycle that I followed and the comfort zone. This allowed me to have a gauge on everything and in many ways keep things comfortable. It was also there to keep me in my bubble to make sure I was doing everything I could do to get better and not putting energy other places I should not be that took away from my health.
As the intensity lessened, and I became more aware, things almost became harder because I wasn’t bonded by this small day and I broke through my comfort zone. The normal cycle and small world I kept myself in and gauging how I felt on other days that determined what I would do or not do was gone and the chaos that kind of kept me grounded and unaware and safe in its’ own way was gone as well and now it was me dealing with thE root of everything and adapting back into world still knowing I felt a certain way.
i knew eventually this was going to have to happen for me to beat this but it hasn’t been easy because even through this I did do stuff kind of no matter how I felt if the cycle was a certain way and therefore in the back of my mind always would know I felt a certain way but could do stuff.
So i am still doing that and now my world has really expanded and don’t keep mySelf as protected and out of my comfort zone. In many ways it has been harder then before, because before though I was doing less and in many ways worse and more chaotic, etc, I almost didn’t know any better.
Getting out of my comfort zone, however vulnerable and hard it might be I know is what’s getting closer to full health.
For almost four years I have been dragging my body around to catch up to itself and get to that place of going through the day knowing that I am symptom free and that’s getting closer by the day.