You aren’t supposed to have to force getting water, food, and so on and so forth. You shouldn’t have to consciously remember to eat or do normal human things. You shouldn’t have to deal with feeling a certain way. Adapting to feeling certain way and so on and so forth. Everything should just be natural and within rhythm.
For the past four years, I have felt all this to some extent, pretty much in every moment or one way or another. This feeling like everything I did was forced or on auto pilot or just not me experiencing it and so on and so forth. So much so, that you forget that this isn’t how you should feel.
As I have been getting closer to finish line, and becoming more and more and more aware, the more I realize these deeper layers that I was once oblivious too. The more I want this to be gone and the more I push.