For almost four years, I have essentially been feeling like I have been dragging my body around waiting for “That Magical Day”. “That Magical Day”, where everything clicks again and I don’t feel like I am dragging my body around. Don’t feel like I am playing out the motions that aren’t quite me. That Magical Day were everything just comes together and I don’t question things and I break free and become reborn.
The one beautiful thing about the last four years is, when everything fully breaks, I will totally be starting over, starting fresh, starting new, starting from scratch as if all of this did not exist and have no responsibilities except grow and build.
So, until then, it makes it feel like I am dragging my body around, though things are blending more then ever and closer to that place more then ever, it still feels that way to an extent, even though time doesn’t stop.
I always would tell people you haven’t met me yet. You don’t quite know who I am yet. Well there is truth in that but I feel the real me is closer then ever to breaking free.
And that’s why so often, I feel I have to work on understanding, expressing all the time and explaining myself.