This journey, this process the last almost four years has brought about every fear you can imagine, both to protect me and also prevent me from moving forward and doing things I needed to do.
And as time as gone on, and I have become more and more aware, and kind of have broken the mold and patterns, it is like my fears almost still haunt me and are there. You could say some of this is from bugs, the pathogens, but an element of them is what I became used too to protect myself until I could break free.
Now it is in my face more then ever and I am breaking free more and more and breaking through those fears that held me back. I guess I don’t feel quite as consumed and trapped by them with no escape. I guess I don’t feel so trapped that this is my life and in that shell and afraid of going out of my cycle that I have for the most part stayed in for the last four years.
It has been an intense time lately because of this and because of feeling everything kind of coming at me all at once and seeing where I am at. Being more aware of everything and feeling more then ever. And feeling my fears more then ever and breaking free from them.