Four plus years ago, I formed a box. A box to protect myself and keep myself in my routines. To focus on my health. To not do anything that might make me feel worse. To put myself in this waiting game, waiting for everything to break free. For everything to feel right again. I put myself in this shell.
I knew at some point, I would have to be part of the world again. That everything would become real again. Well, I feel like that point is finally happening. Am I 100%? not yet. Am I still affected more then I want to be. Yes. But things are finally starting to click I feel. Things are starting to become more real. Everything feels like it is finally starting to click and come together. Everything is starting to become more real I feel finally, and not a fassad. Which is both exciting and terrifying and in many ways surreal.
One last thing, I think the best metaphor to explain this, is think of something in a tomb or jail for four years, waiting, and waiting and waiting to break free to let their energy and spirit and who they are come into the world again. That’s exactly the same thing.
It has been a long time waiting.