To heal any trauma any disease, you eventually have to filter everything out. Have everything come through you and it is not easy for this to occur, it is not easy at all. I feel it is very similar to people going through drug rehab.
As I shed more layers, as I become more aware, as I don’t shield myself with chaotic protection and calm down more and become more clear, all these emotions and memories and physical feelings move through me. Things come up that I was not able to process before because of how I felt and being so lost and trapped just trying to ground and survive the day.
It is not easy. It is not easy at all. A lot of anger comes up. A lot of sadness and frustration. A lot of time missed. A lot of times of perpetual chaos and pain that you tried everything you to escape but could not no matter what you did. All of these things coming out and filtering through me.
I knew a long time ago, when I was so sick and so in pain and discomfort, and could never calm down, never feel here, etc. that eventually all this shit that I was dealing with would everything filter through me and I would remember them and the emotions and feel them come out so I can release them and fully heal.