Start with Nothing

If your life becomes chaotic and you are not going in the direction you want to be going, you need to just reconfigure, let go and break everything down to nothing.

I think about this and how even as time would go on, I would still hold on to bits and pieces of old habit, negative thoughts or my old self.  Not fully let go of everything and I mean everything to then start from scratch and rebuild.  I mean if you build a building and it is not done right, you have to totally redo it.

Take this example.  Somebody gets something like Lyme Disease really out of the blue.  They were fine before, healthy, had a life and then they don’t, so they are in this transition period, this transformative period for reason.  You can then hold onto your old life, which might not have been as great as you thought, I mean you got sick, or you can let go of everything, everything, nothing material, no attachment and start with nothing.

I mean imagine that, imagine your life right now, where it is at and imagine the opportunity to just get to start over, start with nothing and rebuild things the way you want.  Isn’t that a beautiful thing.  I think so.

So let go of it all and start with nothing, I mean nothing and then watch you grow and build to something bigger and better and new.

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Taking My Body Back

If you want to cure Lyme Disease, or any disease that pathogens take over, you must, yes you must take your body back.  If you can’t take your body back, you can’t get better.

From the beginning, when my life changed one day, I knew this was what was needed to get better and completely heal, I needed to take my body back.  Which I am doing more and more each day.

It is almost a strange feeling, because you don’t even remember what your body feels like or the world feels like.  You are used to almost wearing a bacteria suit or a pathogen suit of sorts.  You are not used to feeling the world and feeling your body.  You are taking your power back and control of yourself.

It is like the Butterfly that comes out of a cocoon and takes shape for the first time, the transformation process becomes just a thing of the past and you take a new shape and grow.

It is like all the dots connect again and start to connect that you have been trying to connect since  the beginning but seemed to far away.  You take your body back.

Like you don’t know how you got here, but you just did.

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The Pieces and the Parts

When you have Lyme Disease, all your pieces and parts get taken over.  Your body gets taken over.  Your whole being gets taken over and simply put you are working to take your new body back as you continually transform from your old self.

You work on getting the pieces and parts of your body back.  It ebbs and flows and sometimes you have a bit more of your new self and sometimes the Lyme takes over more. And as time goes on and as you heal, you claim your body and your space and who you are more and more and these unwanted invaders slowly leave.

I remember the first doctor I saw, who diagnosed me, told me there is an element about creating a symbiotic relationship with the bugs and then also helping them move and move out of you so you can move on from all of this.

So, I would always talk to the bugs when I was super sick and tell them to please leave and move on.  I know it sounds crazy or woo woo, but this is what happens.  You literally have another being, or other beings take over your ecosystem and your self.

So, why people will feel better some days and worse others is part of the transformation and part of the healing and part of the ebbs and flows.  You feel better when you take your power and yourself back more, over the bugs and you feel worse, when the bugs take over more and you allow yourself to be invaded more and more.

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Your True Self

Are you staying to true to yourself?  Are you doing what you want with your life?  Are you speaking to your true self and staying true to the life you want to be living?  Well if you are not, you should be.

I have been thinking about this and even in this metaphysical book, it talks about some of the causes of some diseases have to do with not staying true to yourself.  So since I have made that discovery I have worked on staying true to myself and what works best for me and the path that I want to create.

Before my life shifted, I was working in a bar, not what I wanted to be doing.  In a crappy apartment, I did not want to live in, overall just not being true to myself and living the life I wanted to live, what was true for me.

So thinking about what is true to myself, not true to pleasing others or doing things because of what others might think of me.  Or just doing things to do them.  True to myself is:

Travelling, I love traveling and though the last two plus years I have not done much of it.  I love it.

Being spontaneous in a fun way.  This is me and this is what I enjoy.

Talking with others and being social and open.  I enjoy this and always have.  I kept myself in a bubble for a long time because of fear of how I felt, reactions, etc.

Making films and creating projects –  Enough said.

Helping others –  I enjoy helping others and always have.  I have to be true to myself and take care of myself, but I have always enjoyed helping others.

Going to fun events, parties, anything intellectually stimulating.  I have lost this in many ways and am working on gaining it back.

Not letting people walk over me.

Not giving up my power.

Not letting fear get in the way of who my true self is.

Speaking to others – I have always enjoy being a motivator and speaking to others.

That’s what I have for now.  What is being true to yourself?

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Breaking The Bottle

There is a bottle that we tend to keep ourselves in when we go through something like Lyme Disease.  I am not exception.

Keeping myself in this bottle for protection reasons and not being able to handle the outside world and the trapped feeling of the Lyme Bacteria.

For a long time, I actually would not do more things that were not just taking care of myself but also things that could move my life forward, etc. and do more to progress my healing.  The reason was not just because of the bacteria, it was a lot because of fear and not wanting to escape the bottle.

I am finally really breaking that bottle and breaking free and adapting back to the world and most of all not giving a shit and not letting the world affect me or care what people think etc.  Really good things to build and bring through this transformation.

I so much so kept myself in fear and in this bottle that I didn’t see so many people, friends or like I said, do the things I needed to do to move my life forward and most of all fully heal.

A lot of people with Lyme Disease feel this and it is not just the symptoms, it is also the sensitivity and vulnerability they have from not being listened to or heard or feeling bad or weird about doing what they need to do to get better.  I still see doctors, good Lyme Doctors, not show the compassion or the care needed for Lyme patients and allowing them to do everything they can to get better, whatever it takes and telling them to do that and being always available.  Honestly, it is a big problem I think.

Lyme Disease is not about guessing games, it should be about learning how to take a person out of a gutter and giving them the strength and courage and motivation to do whatever it takes to get better and help them see the light.

So break that bottle.  Don’t let anything stop you from your health and your life.  Don’t let issues with doctor’s offices and doctors and family and friends and this and that get in the way of you living the life you want and healing.

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Time

Yesterday, I watched the movie Lucy.  The movie is about a woman who develops super human abilities by accessing and being able to use 100% of her brain.  In the film, there is talk about time and the idea that without time, life does not exist, actions do not exist, moments do not exists, etc.  Time is what allows for existence.  Such as, when a car speeds across a road, the only idea that you knew it did is because of time.

I then think about time in relation to me.  In relation to my experience, and how time has become such a valuable asset, that it almost makes every moment count.  Now, this can be seen as a good thing.  Valuing every moment of your life and being present and trying to create the best use of your time.  But for me, when I didn’t feel well and your time is a blur, time becomes something that can become not only trying and long in every moment, because you don’t feel you are experiencing it.  It also can become an anxious tool.  What I mean by that, is because you don’t know how you are going to feel, when doing things you are almost always racing against a clock it feels like instead of taking a step back and making clear decisions.

Sure, this can be contributed to actual symptoms of Lyme Disease but essentially it feels like I am always trying to catch with myself and really trying to catch up with time.  Trying to catch up with being able to take back over my body and my existence and be able to use my time the way I want to be using my time.

I was reading an article about how to use time efficiently.  It was giving a lot of really good tips but the one tip that stood out was to start your day by spending 20 to 30 minutes organizing your day and what you need to do.  I thought it was brilliant.  I mean we spend so much time thinking about what we need to do through the day.  I know I would, especially when I would not feel well and feel clouded.  So much extra energy and time would be used just trying to figure out what I need to do.

I did this this morning, set up my day of what I need to do and spent 20 to 30 minutes doing it and how much time to allow for each activity and it set such a good tone for the day.  It doesn’t even matter if I don’t finish everything.  I just know my time is structured for the day of what I need to do and I don’t spend extra energy thinking I forgot to do something, which has been a big swirling place of exuding unneeded energy thinking I forgot something because of how I have felt.

So time.  It exemplifies our existence, gives us stability and also can be our worst enemy.

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The Casualties of Lyme

A casualty when it comes to war means somebody who has been hurt or killed in war.  When it comes to something like Lyme Disease though, it is in some ways no different.

When somebody has Lyme Disease, diagnosed with it, goes through the transformative process.  They are left lost and in a world you cannot even begin to imagine.  When the person starts feeling better and comes out of this world after months or usually years.  They become a casualty of Lyme.  They become almost lost in the world in a sense, in a world that they have not experienced in a long long time.

When a soldier comes home from war, they feel lost.  They don’t have all these people usually helping them adapt and helping them survive again.  In many ways, this is the same with Lyme Disease.  You become a casualty of Lyme.

My point in this post, is that it is just a hard and there needs to be just as much support for those not just going through Lyme Disease also when they transition out of Lyme Disease and back to the world and reality.

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