If you don’t trust the process, you will not get to where you want to be. If you have doubts, if you don’t have faith, you will not reach your goals. You need to trust that everything is unfolding for you and everything will come together for you.
I have to admit, it can be very hard to trust that everything is going to come together when you have been feeling a certain way for so long. It can be hard to trust that everything will be fluid one day and everything will feel right one day and you won’t feel something you have been feeling for so long. Feeling like essentially you are dragging your body around until it does all come together.
I always come back to trust and trusting that it is all coming together for me and all working out for me. However hard that might seem, I know it is.
I will be honest with you, by now, I would have thought I would be symptom free or at least so close I almost don’t even notice anything but feeling good and enjoying life and doing everything I need to do during the day. The reality though is that things have been more intense then ever the last couple of months or so.
Why is that? Because I am dealing with it. I am dealing with my demons and dealing with the root of everything.
for a long time I have been working on dealing with it. Dealing with wanting to feel better. Feel happy and healthy but it was almost as if I couldn’t deal with it because I was so foggy, so scattered and so unaware and so oblivious ur didn’t allow me to deal with the root of everything.
Now I am dealing with it. I am aware of everything happening and it is intense. More intense then ever it feels in many ways but I know I am dealing with the root of everything and dealing with my demons and I am beating this.
one day, soon, the world will feel more incredible then it ever has and you will, I will have totally beaten Lyme disease. This day is happening sooner then we realize.
I have known since the beginning that I am meant to beat Lyme disease. However extreme and intense things have gotten and however far I have come already and how many layers I have broken. I have known since the beginning I am meant to beat this and I really do see the finish line.
You know what makes Lyme disease so challenging to beat, the fact that it seems to take forever and when you think you are making headway and have made headway you realize you have only just begun.
Through the past 3.5 plus years there have been many ebbs and flows and many moments were I really genuinely felt and thought I was really getting better and close to that finish line of being symptom free only to realize it seemed like I only just begun.
Recently I really felt like I was making a lot of headway quickly and really close to that finish line, only to realize as I dug deeper and got to deeper layers I was really finally getting to the pinnacle.
Many individuals with Lyme disease get fed up and frustrated because it seems never ending and seems like they are not getting better and so often give up treatments to soon and just don’t want to deal with it anymore but if you keep going, it will be worth it.
Beating Lyme disease is very much about shedding layers. Shedding layers that seem never ending and shedding layers that you never knew were layers.
Through all the shedding, you are putting the pieces of your new life. Your new self together.
The pieces seem lost and random but they are pieces that are allowing for everything to come together.
Some of these pieces may have been found two years ago and some may have been found recently but all of these pieces are forming.
It has been hard to see the pieces and trust they are forming but they are. They truly are and all the pieces I have collected the last three and half years are coming together exactly the way I want and forming my new self.
when I was at my worst, it was very very challenging to have faith as i barely could think beyond my next meal. I could barely think beyond that moment if even that moment at all. But some how in these tiny moments and having these tiny thoughts, it allowed me to have the faith I needed to move forward and know I was beating this.
As time has gone on, my world has expanded, I have done more. But still through doing more, the fog has still been strong, so strong that it is hard so often to see the progress and hard at times to have faith and believe I am heading on the right path. But I do have faith.
Through this and still and really until I am 100%. I will continue to have faith through the fog.
Holding onto shame and guilt will not let you heal. It will not let you get to where you want to be.
As you heal something deeply, you are going to have a lot of shame and guilt come up. You are going to feel a lot of things in the past, things you haven’t felt in a long time. It is important to remember that you need to just let these things go and not hold on to them.
When I was so much in survival mode and just trying to get through the day it was practically impossible for me to process or feel deeper things from my past.
As I got out of survival mode and became more aware of past feelings and memories I began to feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. Feelings that brought up a lot of emotion or feelings of shame or guilt.
And as these things have come up I have realized I have moved away from them and let them go and realize they are not serving me or helping me at all and I am bringing them up to let them go.
the feelings of shame and guilt are not serving me anymore and I allow them to come up and then release them and forgive others and most of all forgive myself and love myself.