Filtering things out

To heal any trauma any disease, you eventually have to filter everything out.  Have everything come through you and it is not easy for this to occur, it is not easy at all.  I feel it is very similar to people going through drug rehab.

As I shed more layers, as I become more aware, as I don’t shield myself with chaotic protection and calm down more and become more clear, all these emotions and memories and physical feelings move through me.  Things come up that I was not able to process before because of how I felt and being so lost and trapped just trying to ground and survive the day.

It is not easy.  It is not easy at all.  A lot of anger comes up.  A lot of sadness and frustration.  A lot of time missed.  A lot of times of perpetual chaos and pain that you tried everything you to escape but could not no matter what you did.  All of these things coming out and filtering through me.

I knew a long time ago, when I was so sick and so in pain and discomfort, and could never calm down, never feel here, etc.  that eventually all this shit that I was dealing with would everything filter through me and I would remember them and the emotions and feel them come out so I can release them and fully heal.

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I know I have not blogged in awhile.  I was working on a  blog and it kept getting deleted, without me saving so, that’s part of the delay.  Also I still don’t feel well a lot and end up just laying on the couch trying to feel comfortable and not do anything.

I know I have not given an update either of where I am at.

So, I continually progress, shed layers.  I definitely don’t feel the way I want to but I continue to gain more and more clarity and therefore more and more healing and can do a bit more as time goes on.  The cycle is definitely still there and I don’t feel like I want to almost all the time but the cycle is less intense then it used to be.

So, I recently went to see my doctor and told him that though I do progress in many ways at my appointments I am still very much affected.  So he amped up the plan to get more aggressive and switched things up.  So I am the midst of getting everything approved to start Bicillin and am waiting for Alinia to come in the mail.  I am also going to adding in the coming weeks Argentyn and Hydrastis for nasal biofilms, etc.  I also added a few other things to help detox.  I am still going to be taking Rifampin and Azithromyacin with Bicllin and Alinia.  As well as my herbs and supplements.  Aggressive is always the way the go and I am hoping this all helps.

Also living with my family has been getting to me more and more.  Part of this is me feeling better and part of this is just all the crap I have felt the last two years plus building up and coming out.  This whole process has definitely taken a lot of patience and faith.  A lot of this is really me wanting control of my life again and moving on from all of this, which is good because it drives me further and further towards where I want to be.

I do still spend a lot of days on the couch just trying to feel comfortable, waiting things out, resting, not overdoing it.

I just read a post from a friend of mine who beat Lyme Disease and she literally had to put her life on hold for four years and now she is great and just bought a house.

Also it is interesting.  I knew, when I was at my worst, so far in the Lyme Hole and just trying to survive everyday, that eventually I would move through this and all the emotions and feelings and memories that I had and experienced would come back through me again and come out of me.

I find it interesting that I do remember everything.  I mean everything through the last two years plus and I even remember memories and feelings and moments even more vividly then I ever have in my life.

There is also a lot of grieving of letting go of two plus years of your life you just missed and kind of let go of, that was just a blip.

So this is an update of sorts.  I keep pushing and pushing through and pushing through the layers, getting more aggressive and just continuing to stay positive, have faith and move forward.

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You feel it all

That is what happens when you shift and transform.  You go through everything and you feel it all.  You feel everything that happened in your life.  You feel every emotion, every memory.  You feel it all.  You feel all the pain you went through.  You feel all the memories and thoughts and ideas coming back.  You feel it all.

That is how I have felt the last two years plus.  I have felt it all.  I have felt everything and anything.   It is like pieces of the puzzle are felt here and there to try to rebuild my new self.

You also are sensitive to the world and very vulnerable and feel the world as well.  You feel just everything and anything surrounding you, tenfold.  You feel it all.

It is your cells of your body, your soul moving through it and moving through it all.  It is this happening to help bring the shift and balance and transformation.

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Will you get Better?

The other day I met with somebody who had a very severe case of Lyme Disease and beat it and is better then he has ever been in his life.  We talked about the similarities that run common in those that get better and one of them, the one main similarity is positive thinking and knowing you will beat this.

I 100% believe this to be true, no matter how many pills or antibiotics you take or how much you detox if you don’t have a positive attitude, you won’t get through it.  It is vital in the healing.

I will be honest it took awhile, though I always had pockets and moments to keep me grounded of positivity and seeing the bigger picture, for me to really break free constantly to feel this and the more I did, the better I have gotten.

Stay positive, have faith, know you will get better and guess what, you will :).

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Reigning it all in

It’s like you go through this hell, this process, this transformation and as you start to come out of it, it is like there are all these pieces and parts you need to put back together in a new way, a better way.

And it is not easy and it is hard, you don’t know where to begin and feel just scattered and all over the place in many ways.  It’s like you break a layer and more pieces get thrown in and then you put those together and another layer gets broken and more pieces get thrown together.

You have learn to take a piece, a step here and there and slowly reign it all in until you rebuild yourself and rebuild your life.

A link to my new book:

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Throwing Darts at A Wall

When I have felt better, when I didn’t feel so out of it or so sick, etc.  And I was working on moving my life forward, I constantly felt like I was just throwing darts at a wall.  Just randomly doing things without thinking hoping something hits.

I am sure a lot of people do this and go through life unconsciously just kind of waiting for something to hit instead of taking a step back and thinking what will work out the best.

So, as I have progressed and shifted towards really working on moving my life forward and doing things that are smarter in terms of progressing with everything, I am working on taking a step back so I am not continuing to throw darts at a wall.

Also my Ebook has just been released on Amazon.  Please check it out!

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The Metaphysics of “Disease”

Through the last two years plus, I have read a lot of books on the metaphysics of wellness and disease.  At the end of the day, something I have mentioned, no matter how many pills you take or how much you detox, exercise, etc, if you don’t get to the root of the underlying causes of your illnesses, or “disease” it will always linger or just come back.

I then look at myself and look at have been the root causes of my transformation, my challenge, what has needed to be worked on and brought to the surface.

So, I go back to when I first got sick or a little bit before I started not feeling well and look at what was going on in my life.  I look at that I was 30 years old and from a universal/spiritual stand point was coming into the end of my Saturn Return, which is considered a big transformation point in your life.  I was not in the place I wanted to be in my life, I was in some ways going backwards and kind of flying by the seat of my pants in a sense.  In a sense, I was losing my power, losing my identity and in some ways felt lost.

As I started not feeling well and in many ways started going in a spiral, I just got worse and worse and went in a circle.  I lost my power, I lost who I was, I lost myself and I began to feel scared and trapped.

All these symptoms started getting the best of me, the bacteria and other invaders started taking over and also were getting the best of me.

So, I then take this and look at the correlation between what I was experiencing and going through and the roots metaphysical causes in relation to my symptoms, etc and they correlate to the deeper feeling I had.

The feeling of losing power, feeling lost, losing my identity, being fearful, unfocused and just don’t feel like I have a place in the world.  The feeling of just feeling trapped and isolated as well.

The thing is by allowing all these feelings to come in and overwhelm me and consume me, it just makes the physical symptoms feel worse and expands on them.  The more I allow these feelings, these things to consume me and these thoughts to take over my mind and body, the more I feel trapped, lost, sick and going in the wrong direction.

By not allowing these things to consume me, by taking my power back, my identity back, overcoming fear, changing my life, shifting my life for better, letting go, transforming, I get to the root of the causes of the symptoms and why I shifted and transformed and eventually break and fully heal.

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