Feeling The World

As with any Lyme experience or any experience there are always different moments and different parts.  This has very much been true with my experience.

There are the physical symptoms or me just flying by the day trying to survive and get through it for so long and so many moments.  And then there is me just trying to feel the world again and not feeling it or for so long.

And through this I have these moments where I feel the world again and I am like oh yeah, that’s what wanting to make movies feels like.  That’s what feeling part of the world feels like.  That’s what actually experiencing things feels like.  And then as quickly as that feeling would come, it would seem to disappear just as quickly.

Not feeling part of the world or feeling the world for so long is not a fun feeling.  It is like being in jail for a long period of time and never experiencing the light of the day.  I think this is one of the hardest of the Lyme Symptoms.

This is what has made things so challenging and difficult.  Not feeling the world.

Well the world is coming back, bigger and brighter then ever :).

In other news, check out my book on my journey through Lyme Disease:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-Transformation-Jason-Boritz-ebook/dp/B00W68H83Q

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You just have to keep breaking layers

It’s funny, they say we actually make better decisions when we have less options instead of more.  So it is like the more layers I break, the more options I have, almost the harder it can be and the harder it can be in making decisions.

So you just keep breaking layers, you keep breaking them and then more shit will come up and then you break more and heal and more shit comes up, until one day, you are free and you don’t have any more layers you need to break and your true self is revealed.

You just have to keep breaking layers.

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Going Through all The Feelings

It is intense.  It is not easy.  Healing and moving through it all and moving back to my life is not easy.  It is like I am spiraling back through and feeling it all over again.  Feeling all the feelings and emotions that I have felt for the last two plus years.  Feeling it all again moving me back to wellness.

That’s I think what has made this whole process so hard.  When the physical side of things calms down, and I have more energy, I then feel all these feelings and emotions I could not feel at the time moving through me.  It is intense and makes me feel like I am living in Dejavu so often, even though I am moving through this, spiraling back through to fully transform and heal.

Just moving out of all the pain, the Lyme Trap going through all the motions, and feelings, to really be set free.

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Bringing Back The World

When you lose yourself, lose everything, lose your whole sense.  There is also a period of time as you heal, as you transform that you bring yourself back.  Your memories start coming back.  Your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions, your body and your sense and place in the world.

I literally through this process have felt memories I have had five, seven, ten, fifteen years ago vividly come back in my mind as if they were lost and suddenly showed up again.  Like my mind was being restored.

It is kind of a very surreal experience and feeling and it is honestly a process I have been going through the last two plus years.  Can be scary and overwhelming at times but it is part of the healing and transformation and coming back into my own.

So I am coming back into the world.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-Transformation-Jason-Boritz-ebook/dp/B00W68H83Q

https://www.facebook.com/restoreyourpower?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

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What is the Root Cause?

You continue to work and work and work and gain clarity and seek and dig deeper until you find the root cause of why your life changed one day.  Why your life totally shifted one day.  You continue to search until you find this answer.

The answer to the root cause of all the things that are happening in your life that you don’t want to be happening.  You find this root cause so you can then take it and change things and change it so you can release the cause and not allow it to effect you any further.

If there is an accident, there is a cause of that accident.  This is the same with disease, or trauma or anything that is created in your life.  If you find your cause, you will be set free and then you can fully heal and create the life you want.

So for myself, what is this cause?  First of all, the cause is not always one sided, it is usually multi-level.  For myself, I definitely see this to be true.

One of the main causes is learning how to not live a minimalistic lifestyle, meaning, think bigger, not one little bit at a time, or here and there.  Not creating a small world.  I know with Lyme disease, this can be difficult but at the same time it is a big root cause of why we feel this way.  Expanding our world again, expands our minds and expands our healing and allows us to create our path.  So Cause, creating a minimal lifestyle and not fully taking care of my needs, releasing that is taking care of my needs and expanding my world.

Another cause is giving up this idea of control.  I remember it distinctly when I first started not feeling well and it was like my whole world became a mushy fog and did not seem to have control of anything, or any decision or anything I did.  I was told that I needed to give up this idea of control.  So a lot of the cause was learning how to let go and not feel I can control every situation or anything.   And I have seen this so apparently in feeling this way and wanted to control my circumstances to not feel this way.

Learning how to be present and enjoy every moment is another cause, not taking life for granted.  In my life, there were a lot of moments you can say I was not present or paying attention or just wanting to get to a goal.  This goal or that goal.  I guess I would not necessarily say I took life for granted but I definitely was not going with the process and just learning how to enjoy it, be more in the moment.  Through this, I have been forced to have to extra present.  In the moment and just break everything down to simplicity.  Just learning how to be, and not always having to do.   Actually doing things and enjoying them and being in them, without rushing through them.   Also remembering this is my life, even if it is a transformation.  It is my life.

Taking my power and my life back.  I firmly believe when you get something like Lyme Disease, some way some how you allowed your power to be taken away, I mean you allowed invaders to overtake your body.  So it is important to regain that power back.  For myself, I definitely felt lifeless and felt I had no power or the confidence or strength to make my own decisions or feeling like I could get out of my cycle.  Out of my Lyme Trap.  Moving through this, is me not feeling afraid anymore and pushing through.  Taking my life back and knowing the bugs and this does not have control over me and I do have the power to move through this and do what I want to be doing and everything I want to be doing with my life.  Knowing I can catch myself and do the things I want to be doing and can do anything.  Also just knowing I have the power to not let these bugs control everything I do.

Another root cause, which I think is true for almost everybody is not being on your right path.  If you are not on your right path, something will happen to shift it and then it is up to you to find that right path to help you heal and move through things.

Find your root cause and you will heal :).

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Healing The Past

I knew a long time ago there would come a point in my journey that I would move away from this and to fully heal and move on I would need to fully heal my past and heal everything I went through.

For me, a scary thought that has come to me through this so often is okay I kill all the bacteria and pathogens but will that wear and tear really heal and the memories and emotions and feelings that are attached to it.  That always comes up.

I mean there is definitely a wear and tear of everything you go through and this unknowing wear and tear on how it has affected you.  I mean I couldn’t even process the emotions and physical feelings of what I was really feeling for so long because it was to much.  They have to get processed to healed at some point.

So, I have to let go and fully heal the past to fully heal.  I mean we all do when we go through anything traumatic or anything challenging in your life.

Healing the past.  Very important if you want to get better.

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Putting a Halt To Things

When you have something take over your body and just feel so off and so not well, you create these habits.  You do these things that you would not normally be consumed by and and you feel it is the norm, even though it is really not helping you move through and get you better but it is hard for you to realize it during this time of chaos and fog and discomfort.

I am more and more starting to catch myself and put a halt to things.  A halt to fear.  A halt to complaining.  A halt to worrying.  A halt to fighting and the anger.  A halt to keeping myself away from moving my life forward.  Ultimately, reminding myself I have the power to make my own choices and not allow others or situations take that away.

And not putting a halt on doing what I need to do during the day.  Not talking myself away from thinking I can’t do something or something will make me worse.  When you put a halt to things, you heal..

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