Let Your Path Heal You

I watch a lot of Shark Tank.  If you don’t watch it, you should.   I am very entrepreneurial by nature and I learn a lot from Shark Tank.  What I also do, is visualize my path to creating my life again and looking at my higher success.

Since the beginning, since the very beginning when I started not feeling well and my whole life shifted, I have always kept hold of my life path and what I want to be doing with my life.  The life I want to be creating.

and you have to do this if you want to heal.  I mean otherwise why are you living.  Why are you even trying to get better.  I don’t care how many pills you take, how many supplements you take, how much you “detox”, if you don’t push forward with your life towards what you want to be doing and let that heal you, you will never get better.

Whatever you want to do with your life, start it now, today, not yesterday, today.  I don’t care how you feel, visualize it if you can’t get off the couch, just keep thinking about it and eventually those thoughts will turn into actions.

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My Book

So, my book is complete and I am in the process of trying to get it on Amazon and having a struggle with that.  Formatting the book the way you want it to read for Amazon is not very easy and I still struggle with getting things like this done.  So I have been trying for a week to get it up there.

If anybody has any experience with self-publishing and formatting your book for Kindle on Amazon.  Please let me know!

Here is the book cover:

Book Cover

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The Push and Pull of the Transformation

Over the last two years plus I have experienced a push and a pull of my old self, my transformation and my new self.  There is a constant push and pull of me breaking free and feeling alive again and symptom free and living life and doing the things I want to do and being stuck in the old and trapped  and pulled back.  It is literally a constant push and pull.

You push yourself to do more to move forward and get through this and then the experience pulls you back or doing to much pulls you back.

You push and you pull back to balance.

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My Old Friend Rifampin

I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday.  To be honest, though of course I have progress in many ways but the reality is I am still pretty symptomatic and effected by the bugs.  I had a couple rough nights last weekend and based off of that I told my doctor this.

So his answer was to get more aggressive and that means adding in a fourth antibiotic, Rifampin.

When I first was diagnosed with Lyme Disease, I was put on Rifampin with Doxycycline and it was an awful time.  Of course, mind you, it was done super improperly and I am in a totally different place but of course it still makes me nervous.  I know it is the right way to go but I will now be taking four antibiotics.

So tomorrow, I reintroduce myself to my old friend Rifampin.  This time I am reintroduced in a new way and different way and we will go hand in hand killing the bacteria that invades my body.

In other news, my book is complete and will be on Amazon on Monday!  More details to come.

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Neuro Symptoms in relation to Lyme Disease etc and Decision Making and Rational Thinking

I know, what a long title, well I needed to sum up what I am going to talk about.  There is one thing I have noticed that seems to be a constant symptom with almost everybody I know with Lyme Disease, Mold, Parasites, etc.  And that is having a hard time making a decision, stepping back out of an irrational situation and catching yourself and making the right, clear headed decisions you want to be making.

Now this comes from the Neuro symptoms of Lyme, etc but also comes from the feeling of feeling trapped and unable to escape and you begin to dig holes and the holes get bigger and bigger it seems and it seems you can never get out of them.

For myself, this has been a big challenge.  Because my mind would be so affected, I would make a lot of poor decisions or run around in chaos just trying to eat.  On top of this, it would be hard or challenging for me to think rationally or clearly a lot of the time when I would trapped in my never ending chaos.  My mind could not process to get out of it.

So it makes things very difficult when you are trying to make the right decisions to move forward, heal and do everything you can to heal but your mind almost won’t allow you to or you feel like it won’t.

I mean this is very very common with almost everybody and that’s why people get frustrated and why things are so challenging with Lyme Disease, etc.  You feel trapped and feel like there is no escape.

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Why I Get So Upset

For the last two plus years, I have had a short fuse and got upset really easily.  At the end of the day, you could say most of it is because of the bugs but there is more to the story then just “bugs”.

There are various reasons why I have got so upset, one being of course frustration of feeling the way I felt for so long and never having relief ever from it.  The way the world has felt to me and being so sensitive towards it and most of all the oblivious nature of my friends and family.

You get upset or I have gotten upset because you feel like you feel so crummy or have and the outside world, especially those close to you, are so oblivious to it and seem to not care. It is not saying that they don’t care, but their actions don’t always translate it.

So you build up, and you do get upset about this.  I mean who would not at some point, have to get upset and let it out.  We are human aren’t we.

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Not Holding On

We tend to hold onto things.  We tend to hold onto things longer then we need to.  We do this out of comfort.  We do this out of security.  We do this because we don’t know what else to hold on to.

A lot of us hold onto the past and hold onto things that are not serving us anymore.  When we hold onto these things, we do not allow ourselves to move forward.

For myself, it has been hard letting go and not holding on.  A big part of that was because my brain was so clouded and I lost myself it helped keep me in touch with reality, holding onto the past or holding on to the world in general.

I have definitely let go of all of that, my friends, my reactions, myself, and everything else I was holding on to but it is our nature to hold onto things and not let go.  It’s a protection and security for ourselves.

I see myself everyday letting go of a bit more and a bit more but it is like shedding a lot of layers and forming my new self.  I hold onto that grip or we hold onto those things of the past because we sometimes don’t know what else to hold on to.

I am almost done with my book, it should be on Amazon in the coming weeks and finishing that is helping me let go and not hold on so much anymore.  I mean even reading it seems a bit strange to me, like it was a distant memory and crap that I let go of.

Writing is very healing and will help you let go and not hold on.

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