Adapting and Readapting

Any major change were your life changes suddenly and then your life changes back again to the better can be summed up in three words, adapting and readapting.

So for myself, I had to first spend days, months, I would say probably close to two years adapting to feeling a certain way all the time and getting used to that.  Getting used to feeling that way and working on getting comfortable feeling that way.  It took really a long time for me to find some kind of routine with things to be able to not just not feel so off all the time and so unsure and not understand it but to also start to heal by getting to a place of adaptation.

So, once I adapted to things, I then had to start readapting to things.  Readapting to the world and not used to feeling the way I felt.  The readapting period has almost been harder then the adapting period in many ways.

I always come back to the show Rectify.  The show is about somebody who was put on Death row when he was 17 and then 20 years later has to readapt to the outside world.  It is very similar to my own readapting period.

It is simply like the last three years has just been a period of transition and transformation in which I was in this flux.

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Fear.  Fear gets in the way from everything you do and want to do.  When you make an excuse because you didn’t do something, it is all based on fear.  When you can’t make a decision, it can come back to fear.  When you are not leading the life you want to live, you can come back to fear.

I know fear quite well.  I know fear so well that it consumed me in every moment and every being of everything I did.  It prevented me from doing things that can make me feel better.  Things that can move my life forward and do the things that can help me live the life I want to be living. I knew until I released this fear, I would not really heal and not live the life I want to be living.

I was so much in fear and consumed by it that I would not take this or do that or do this or pretty much anything.  Everything I did was based around fear.

Now mind you, sure you can blame the bugs/bacteria and the pathogens to an extent, because they create this fear and prevent you from doing things that might get rid of them or disrupt them but at the end of the day, it is fear and this unreal thing that is preventing you from doing what you need to do and ultimately heal.

It has taken me nearly three years to really start overcoming this and let go of it.  And I look back on how much I did not do so many things that were only going to help me not hurt me, because of fear.  I look back and how much I let the fear of dealing with others and my sensitivity prevent me from living my life.  I look back and realize how much I let my power get taken way.

So to sum it up, watch my latest video on Youtube:

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Let Go of It All…

You have to realize, when you go through something major or drastic in your life, it is a sign that you need to let go of the old you and let go of everything and embrace the new you and embrace a new life.

Letting go of everything and starting new, though might be hard, is a blessing at the same time.  You really get to start over with nothing, no responsibilities, nothing.  Start from scratch.

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Process It All

I knew at some point as I would continue to heal, I would have to process everything I went through that I could not process at the time.  I knew I had to eventually feel it and deal with everything.

And this is what has been happening.  As I feel better and better and better, I have to process and feel everything I went through, which is an intense experience.  Especially the fact that I never felt what I felt at the time or even really experienced how unwell I was all the time.  It was definitely a lot and very intense and an experience I felt I would never escape.

Well I am moving on from it all and I am escaping it.  It has taken a long time but I am finally really getting there.

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Turning The Tide

It is almost like yesterday that my life just rapidly changed out of the blue and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.  It is like I remember it clearly, well I actually remember the last three years very clearly, everything I went through, the ups and downs and the constant vicious cycle.

On Monday, I went for a sort of job interview.  I say sort of, because it wasn’t exactly a straight forward interview but it wasn’t just a random meeting either.  I have not gone on anything like this in years or even thought about doing something like this in years.  I see it as the tides turning and me moving on with my life and releasing the last three years and letting go of Lyme Disease and everything I have been through.

So, I am turning the tide.  I really am.  For a long time I always thought I was turning the tide but the reality was I wasn’t.  And it is hard because the cyclic nature always made me feel like I will be symptom free in three more months or six more months but that wasn’t the case.  It has taken a lot longer then I realized.

Well the tide is finally turning and turning and turning more each day.

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Making Mistakes

Lyme Disease is very challenging as it takes over your being so much that normal life seems to be one mistake after another after another.

In my own experience, I know this quite well.  So much of my days and actions seemed to be me constantly making mistakes.  Sure a lot of this was perception because of how I felt but at the same time, Lyme affects your decision making and makes you so sensitive to everything that you end up feeling like you have no boundaries, no sense of being and are constantly making poor decisions, not living the life you want, not feeling clear headed making your decisions and just have a total body takeover.

And it is hard because you look at the past or I look at the past and look at how off I felt and how many “mistakes” I seemed to make and it can weigh on you for sure because when you deal with Lyme you already deal with so much and on top of that all the life decisions that are being skewed just makes things worse it seems.

You have to eventually learn to let go of this and know that all the mistakes are just lessons being learned of things you can do better and how you can grow.




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Breaking The Glass

One day you suddenly start living your life in glass.  Glass that is essentially unbreakable no matter what you do and you have no idea why.

This is what happened to me one day.  This is is what happens to a lot of people with Lyme Disease out of the blue.  Out of the blue, a glass shield comes over them and they have no idea were it came from and how to get out of it.  They become used to living their life in this glass shield with the hopes of one day being able to break it.

So everyday we ask ourselves how do we break this glass?  How do we break free?

Well we find the key to open the glass.  And what is the key, well I can only speak for myself what that key is as it varies on an individual basis.

The key for me is my lessons that I have learned that I have spoken about in my blog entries.  Being true to yourself, follow your path, trust the universe, let go, don’t be hard on  yourself, take care of yourself fully, feel fully abundant, find balance in everything and be you, not anybody else.

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